There wasn’t wifi on my flights to New York so, instead of being able to update my travel status real-time through social media, I decided to keep a running log of all the things I would have said if I were able to post updates, along with other thoughts and observations. Here they are.
*Status updates are denoted by quotations.
6:05am PST Flight begins boarding.
6:15am PST “I have a sneaking suspicion this flight won’t be offering inflight wifi.”
6:16am PST “I’m convinced this flight will not have wifi.”
6:17am PST “I knew it. No wifi.”
6:35am PST Flight takes off.
6:36am PST “Goodbye Spokane” I even took pictures with my phone. While it was on airplane mode. Speaking of which, when are we going to get over this whole turning off electronic devices while taking off? Did they make people turn off their Disc-Mans 15 years ago? Disc-Man, haha.
Edit: My wife told me that, yes, they did make people turn off their Disc-Mans. So weird.
6:37am PST “I can’t believe there isn’t wifi on this flight. What am I supposed to do, read?”
6:38am PST “OMG there’s 3 hours until I change plans. How will I survive without wifi?”
6:40am PST I watch the TV that is on the back of the seat in front of me. I have to pay to keep watching after about 15 minutes.
6:41am PST “Pay to watch TV? Yeah right. This airline underestimates how cheap I truly am.”
6:42am PST “That said, I’d gladly pay for wifi.”
6:43am PST “SERIOUSLY, THERE’S NO WIFI ON THIS FLIGHT!?”
7:10am PST The attendants begin serving complimentary beverages. No snacks. Yet.
7:15am PST I don’t think we’re getting snacks. No snacks, no wifi? The way this is going, I’m expecting the flight attendants to begin serving complimentary slaps in the face.
7:21am PST I work on some presentations that don’t require wifi to prepare, but everything else, my whole business life, lives in the cloud. Now, if I had planned ahead, I could have been able to download hard copies of files. But these days, I just trust that wifi is standard on flights, in coffee shops, at hotels, etc. I’m almost completely reliant on being able to access the internet. If internet were gas, this would be the 70’s. If I knew the guy next to me had wifi, I’d gladly siphon some from him with a garden hose. Siphon = steal. This wifi situation has me questioning my morals.
7:22am PST I pray.
7:23am PST A brilliant idea comes to me. Instead of being able to update my status real-time, I’ll just update it in a blog. Boom! I go back and start blogging beginning from 6:05am PST.
7:30am PST As I keep a log of this I’m confronted with the fact that my fake status updates make me seem incredibly whiny, needy and is a good indication that I might actually have ADD.
7:31am PST I decide to finish my presentation and then move on to reading. Don’t get me wrong, I like to read. It’s just that I had allocated some projects for this flight that I was planning on finishing before landing in NYC.
7:36am PST “Don’t fall asleep on a plane unless you’re the window seat. Otherwise, I’m just going to wake you up when I have to pee.” I should note here that I have the window seat and I have to go to the bathroom. Both passengers sitting next to me are asleep.
7:44am PST Just realized that the landing time on my ticket is in local Denver time. This flight will not be 3 hours. I’m upset by how easily confused I get by time zones and air travel.
8:05am PST Landing in Denver.
Tune in for Part II, where I share the (painfully) obvious moral of the story.